Machete Kills


Director:  Robert Rodriguez
Principle Cast:  Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Amber Heard, Carlos Estevez and Mel Gibson
Rated:  ‘R’ for strong bloody violence, some sexual content and language

The U.S. President (Estevez) calls on Machete (Trejo) to bring down a revolutionary who’s planning to launch a missile aimed straight for Washington, D.C.  In doing so, Machete stumbles onto a conspiracy to bring about the destruction of the world through all-out nuclear riots.  And the man responsible is billionaire arms dealer, Luther Voz (Gibson).

Machete Kills is the sequel to Machete, an expansion of a fake trailer released during Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s joint venture Grindhouse.  Over-the-top violence and a ridiculous plot set Machete apart from every other action film that came before it.  At the same time an homage to B movies, it wasn’t afraid to also poke fun at them.  However, unlike it’s predecessor, Kills just pokes fun at itself.

“Machete don’t text” was clever three years ago.  And, I’ll admit, “Machete don’t tweet” was pretty funny this time around.  But after countless other “Machete don’ts” I kind of had enough.  The dialogue, overall, was just bad.  Rodriguez had nothing to do with the screenplay, which was apparent (and unfortunate).  The characters were also less interesting in Kills.  I didn’t really get the point of El Cameleon other than to showcase several different actors who really had no business being in the film.  Cameos are great, unless they serve no purpose.  And, here, they really didn’t.

The helicopter and boat scenes were major highlights, but felt so forced.  I love Michelle and was disappointed at how her role had been diminished.  Heard was unnecessary, but sexy as hell.  Her fight scene with Michelle was welcomed but, again, I was disappointed because it felt like such a ripoff of Johnny’s Depp’s in Rodriguez’s Once Upon a Time in Mexico.  And what was up with the Star Wars references?  There were so damn many of them.  Did Kevin Smith serve as producer or something?

Machete Kills is your stereotypical sequel, but with it’s novelty worn thin.  It was uninteresting, lazy and somehow the production value felt lower in quality.  Then again, maybe I’m being too hard on a film that was supposed to suck.  I really hope Machete Kills Again…In Space! is actually a joke this time and not a legitimately planned third entry in the series.  Rodriguez needs to follow in Tarantino’s footsteps and close the door on Grindhouse.  It was fun for you, we get it.  Now move on.

4/10 – Bad 

One thought on “Machete Kills

  1. Amber Heard is a lesbian? goddess who I first liked in the short-lived “The Playboy Club”. Yea, Machete in Space would probably be the next step:P Or, Machete X. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the first one unless someone showed me it had some merit (or I had someone to groan with). Just hearing Mel Gibson of all people was in this one…what was he thinking/doing?

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